It's Okay to Be Human

It’s okay to be a human today. 

As you begin to read this post, for just a moment, remember your breath. Remember how strong and soft it is. How it moves and flows with your body,  not against it. Breathe. 

Think about the last time you took a deep breath. Try to recall a place or a setting that gives you a reason to relax – a place or time when you felt truly at ease in your soul. Breathe. 

Hold that thought in your mind. Wrap your whole self around it. What do you see? What does it sound like?  What colors bring joy to your heart? 

Breathe. Cradle this feeling. Let it sink into your being the way a baby melts into your chest as she slowly falls asleep. Be truly present with this moment. 

Breathe in. Hold for a few seconds. Breathe out slowly for as long as you can. 

~

We know that as humans, we can’t be expected to ride the waves of anxiety with perfect ease, or to turn immediately to our healthiest coping skills, or complete our 5-step self-care skin routines every night. 

No. We are human. We feel. We experience life. We get sad. Sometimes we get really, really sad; and sometimes, really, really, angry. 

AND IT’S OKAY. 

We are human. 

Sometimes we GRIEVE. 

There are times when we can experience feelings, thoughts, and actions that mirror a grieving process: when a certain dream, hope, relationship, or experience didn’t pan out the way we hoped it would and now we’re left with the pieces of what could have been. 

It’s okay to grieve – to wish for things you didn’t know you would be wishing for.

It's okay to grieve and be angry – to be angry about situations you thought would never happen to you.

And it's okay to just sit there on the couch in your blanket and feel whatever you’re feeling right now. 

The way your body is responding to change, shift, and grief in our world is okay. AND IT’S NEEDED. 

The world needs people who are being honest about what they are feeling during times of uncertainty. The world needs integrity –  not only in our actions, but also our emotions and thought processes. 

How can we, as communities around the world support one another through these uncertain times? I believe one of the ways (among the many other wonderful ways people have been coming together through these scary times) is to be brutally and tenderly honest with ourselves and what we need.  

The resources are available, though they may look different now. They might look really different, and it might be scary to even think about them. 

Breathe. 

~

Take a moment and let yourself feel those things you really miss. Take a moment and give yourself permission to grieve the loss you’ve experienced through all this uncontrollable change. Give unabashed comfort to yourself for getting through the day. 

Breathe. 

Give yourself permission to be present with yourself. 

Breathe in again, and this time from your belly. 

Feel the muscles in your abdomen expand as the air fills your lungs and diaphragm.

Breathe out, and feel the hot air exiting your body. Listen for the way your whole self relaxes just a little more. Feel your body shift. Become aware, from your head down to your toes, of your body entirely. 

Breathe. 

As you take in another breath, remember that you are human, and you just gave your body something it needs: a moment to rest. 

Exhale and feel as your body works in tandem with you. 

Then, after you’ve given voice to the body that yearned for your care:

If you can muster it, you might be able to hear the birds still singing. 

If you can glance over your shoulder, the puppers are still asking us to pat their fluffy heads. 

If you look out your window, the clouds are still moving across the blue sky somewhere in our world. 

If you look past the news, you’ll see that children never stopped asking us to play with them and join their world of imagination.

If you can invite yourself to see, the plants are still growing in the sunshine through our windows. 

If you can take a step outside, the wind is still sending pollen to and fro to make way for another season. 

If you can listen a little, babies are still laughing at funny noises. 

If you can remember, that perfect street you like to drive down is still there, with it’s hanging tree limbs and old houses.

And if you can laugh with yourself, that long-lost recipe you saved last spring on the Pinterest board entitled, “Really Optimistic” is patiently waiting for you to be brave with your baking skills. 

Breathe in once more and speak to yourself the one word that you need to hear today. If you let yourself really ponder, you already know for yourself which word you need to hear. 

Above all else, remember to take more moments to be human.

It's okay to be human. 

Let yourself be a human today. 

And breathe.

Chrisinda Hunter, LMFT

Is it Fear or Cheer?

How do you know if you are being engulfed with holiday anxiety and fear rather than cheer? We all have anxious or difficult days and we all experience changes in mood. Here is a helpful list of indicators that anxiety is taking over your holiday.

Sleep cycle is off
Nothing seems funny
Easily tearful
Peers are irritating
Kids are on your last nerve
Significant other is checked out
Tasks are being avoided
Traditions feel like chores
Can't think or concentrate well
Everything seems to be over priced
Hygiene suffers a bit
Running late seems to be the new norm
Self-medicating increases
Don't care about counting calories
Adopting the mindset that life is too hard
Blame others for distress
Physical or verbal attacking of others
Road rage
Over spending on others
Increased debt is suddenly okay
Withdrawal
Isolation

If items on this list characterize you, remember that help is available.
Reach out if you're feeling over whelmed. Your holiday can be marked by cheer, not fear.

Written by Modena Jenkins, LMSW, ICT Center.

How to Survive Holiday Stress

The rush of the holiday season can spark joy and contentment for some. For others, the weeks between Thanksgiving and mid-January bring stress and anxiety front and center. Here are five ways to relieve stress and anxiety around the holidays.

1. Say No. 

Don’t be afraid to say no to doing something you don't like to do or will not have time to enjoy.  Feeling obligated does not equal actual obligation; you do not have to agree to take on tasks that make you sad or impede your ability to enjoy the season.

2. Take 15

There are 1,440 minutes in a 24 hour period. There is always enough time to do the things you like doing for 15 minutes per day.  If you are struggling to know what you enjoy, here are some ideas: stretch, light a candle, eat an orange, walk in your neighborhood, love on your pet, cuddle up with a hot cocoa and soft blanket while thinking about the best moments of your life. Look at a magazine, daydream about a vacation you have taken or plan to take, listen to music, sit in total silence, take a bath, write a couple of cards or letters to people you love and miss, bring a note and plate of cookies to the neighbor that suffered a loss this year, drive to a park and listen to children play and dogs bark, read the funny page of the newspaper. Compliment yourself on something you did that was great this week; even if that great thing was getting out of bed and getting dressed before noon.  Whatever it is that makes YOU smile or feel self-love, do it... daily for fifteen minutes. You give so much OF yourself to others, give something TO yourself.

3.  Practice Gratitude

Take some time this season to name your blessings. Sometimes it's hard to stop and see life as it is, but to do so helps us create a positive out of a negative; even if only for a moment.

4. Learn To Meditate

Meditation is easier than you may think. Use your favorite search engine to find either a guided meditation or meditation music to experience being in touch with yourself.  One app we like is Headspace.

5. Give yourself Space to Grieve

Loss of any kind can cause intense feelings of grief around the holidays. Honor your feelings and allow yourself to cry and grieve. Allow time for the sadness and pain to surface. Feeling and expressing emotional pain is exhausting and you'll need to prioritize rest, hydration, nutrition and sleep after intense painful moments. Seek out a friend or counselor to confide in during these months. 

Written by Modena Jenkins, LMSW @ ICT Center

3 Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Life

The day after Halloween, the rush and busyness of the Christmas season descend upon us, leaving little time or energy for practicing the meaning of the forgotten holiday. Thanksgiving should be forgotten no longer! It is a day that allows us to pause and express gratitude for the things and people in our life. In that spirit, many people spend the month of November giving daily reports on social media to reflect what they are thankful for. This is a transformative exercise, because gratitude can change your life.

Gratitude is not an "attitude".  It is a practice, an intentional tuning of our attention, and a habit of reflecting on what we have received.  Gratitude prompts us to focus on "enoughness", which is the idea that we have been given everything we need for the present moment.

3 Ways that Gratitude can Change Your Life

1. Gratitude can Change your Life by Improving your Relationships.

John   Gottman, one of the leading researchers on marriage, has found that gratitude acts as an antidote to contempt and criticism in a relationship.  Couples who look for what is going well and express this to their partner have lower levels of defensiveness and more positive communication.  Other researchers have found that couples who express gratitude report feeling closer to each other and more satisfied in their relationship, and the more grateful couples are, the more likely they were to be in the relationship 9 months later. 

Do you want to feel closer and more connected to your partner?  Express gratitude.

2. Gratitude can Change your Life by Improving your Business.

Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania conducted research on gratitude by dividing university fund raisers into two groups. One group made phone calls to university alum soliciting donations the same way they always had. The second group was told by the director of giving how grateful she was for their efforts in fund-raising before they started their work day.  The group who was given the message of gratitude made 50% more fund raising calls than those who did not.  

Want to improve productivity in those who work for you?  Tell them thank you. 

A 2015 study showed that collective gratitude has a positive impact on businesses. Researchers found that gratitude can reduce turnover, foster employees’ organizational commitment, lead to positive business outcomes, and help in reducing and eliminating negative workplace emotions such as envy, anger, and greed.  

Want to improve your business environment and productivity? Express gratitude.

3. Gratitude can Change your Life by Improving your Health.

The research on this is clear and abundant. Gratitude is proven to create better sleep, less depression, less fatigue, more self-efficacy, a lower cellular inflammatory index, and improved cardiac function. One study found that practicing gratitude can lower aches and pains, and that grateful people are more likely to take better care of themselves through exercise and regular check ups.  Gratitude has been found to create improved blood flow to the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls eating, drinking, sleeping, and stress hormone.  So, people who express gratitude actually change their brain to improve sleep, lower depression, and reduce stress.

Want to improve your health?  Express gratitude.  

This is a busy time of year, and many of us have already turned our thoughts and plans towards Christmas.  But don't skip over Thanksgiving too quickly.  It's a holiday capable of changing your brain, improving your business productivity, and strengthening your relationships.

-- ICT Center, written by Erin Osbeck, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor